


Show-ers and Grow-ers

by Celandine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, M/M, Masturbation, Smut, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-12
Updated: 2010-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-13 04:24:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/132799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/pseuds/Celandine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James thinks he has the biggest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Show-ers and Grow-ers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Snegurochka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snegurochka/gifts).



"How do you suppose Wormtail pulls so many birds?" James asked Sirius one idle afternoon.

It was a snowy Sunday in February. Peter was, in fact, off with Maggie O'Connell from Hufflepuff at that very moment. Remus was doing something prefect-y, so James and Sirius were alone in their room, supposedly studying but actually working in a desultory way on their map.

"Because he has a big prick, that's why," answered Sirius without looking up.

"No way."

"Way." Now Sirius raised his head. "I'd have thought you'd have noticed, Prongs, given that you always want to be the best and the most at everything. Or maybe that's why you didn't, afraid you'd be beaten?"

"Well, it doesn't surprise me that _you_ noticed," jibed James, "if for different reasons altogether."

Sirius flushed. Ever since he had confided in James that he fancied blokes more than girls, James had needled him about it. His mockery was mostly good-natured, though. He wasn't at all averse to the idea of a little fooling around with his mates, he just didn't understand how anyone could _not_ fancy a nice pair of tits and a rounded and squeezable bum to go with them.

"Besides, I _do_ have a good-size prick, and you don't see the birds all over me because of that."

"Hah. You could have the tiniest one in school and it wouldn't make any difference. You get plenty of girls for being a Quidditch captain, after all," said Sirius.

"Yeah, but not Evans." James scowled.

" _Forget_ Evans. She has terrible taste in friends, anyway; you know she's thick as thieves with that greasy git Snape from Slytherin." Sirius stood up stretched. "D'you think your prick is bigger than Wormtail's?"

"I think so, but I don't know. Like you said, I never really looked. You'd expect it would be proportionate to his size, but maybe he has a big one as a kind of compensation for being short," James said with a grin. "It does make me curious, though, so how about when he and Moony get back, we can all compare?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why don't you and I just measure now, and compare with Wormtail and Moony later? I have to do detention with Professor Slughorn tonight."

"Oh yeah." James remembered, now that Sirius had reminded him. Sirius had charmed everyone's cauldron but their own to waltz around the tables, last Thursday. Slughorn had been furious – well, as close to it as he ever got.

"I have a ruler someplace in my trunk," Sirius said. He pawed around and found it. "I think we should take two measurements. At rest, and fully extended."

"Sounds sensible," James agreed. He found a spare scrap of parchment and drew a little table. "Okay, what's your first number?"

Sirius pulled up his robes and yanked down his pants. "Make sure everyone measures from the top side," he said. "It's easier to tell where to start, and that way we'll be consistent so that no one has an unfair advantage. Okay. Four inches exactly."

He tossed the ruler to James. "You can take your first measurement while I get ready for the second."

James was startled to discover that his own prick measured a quarter of an inch less than Sirius's. He jotted the number down and looked over.

He had _heard_ Sirius wanking in bed lots of times; Sirius didn't often bother with a silencing charm, although the rest of them mostly did use one. _Watching_ was rather different, though. James supposed that Sirius had quite a nice prick if you went in for that sort of thing. It poked nearly straight out, proud and scarlet, from the still-light dusting of hair at his groin, with a noticeable bend to the left that was somehow endearing. James's prick began to stiffen in sympathy even before he touched himself.

"There," said Sirius. "I think that's probably it."

James threw him the ruler again. "Pull it straight, so you get the full length," he said.

"Yeah, yeah." Sirius tugged at his prick, holding the ruler tightly against it and marking the spot with his thumbnail. He pulled the ruler away and looked at it. "Five and a quarter. Hey, I wonder how much it is around?"

"You could measure."

"With the _ruler_?"

"No, find a bit of string and loop it around, then measure the string, you prat." James rummaged in his own trunk and found a length of string that had once tied up a parcel of biscuits sent by his mum. "Here."

Sirius pumped himself a few more times and wrapped the string around his prick. "Four and three-quarters."

James wrote that down. Dropping the quill on the table, he began to jerk himself, trying to reach maximum size without coming. "Five and seven-eighths, and four and seven-eighths," he announced, and scrawled down the results beside his name. "I'll get the other two tonight."

Sirius nodded, looking annoyed. James suspected that was because he'd been smaller.

When Peter came in an hour or so later, Sirius slipped out. James couldn't blame him. It would be awfully humiliating to be smaller than Peter, if that should turn out to be the case. Peter was happy to cooperate with James's investigation.

"Two and three-quarters," he said cheerfully for the first measurement. "I'm a grow-er, not a show-er."

James had never heard the expression, but it was a good description, and rather catchy. Sirius was evidently a show-er rather than a grow-er, then.

Watching Peter fondle himself to a full erection wasn't nearly so interesting as watching Sirius, for some reason. Maybe it was because Peter was so unreflectingly straight? James couldn't imagine Peter even wanting to experiment with his mates for fun; he'd be too concerned that it would make him queer.

His erect prick did look pretty impressive, regardless, so James was a little surprised when Peter's length matched his own, and Peter's circumference was a quarter of an inch less. Maybe being narrow there made him look longer, especially set against a smaller body overall?

"Thanks, Wormtail. You beat Padfoot for erect length, although he _is_ bigger around."

Peter looked satisfied with those results. "Excellent."

Remus didn't turn up until dinner time. Under cover of the clatter of forks and knives, James whispered to him what they'd been doing.

"So you're next, Moony. Right after dinner."

Remus shook his head.

" _Moony_. Come on, both Padfoot and Wormtail did it."

"And who's ahead so far," said Remus under his breath, passing James a bowl of mashed potatoes.

"I am, but not by much. Wormtail and I are the same length, but Sirius and I are both a little bigger around than he is." James spooned potatoes onto his plate and reached for the butter.

With a sigh, Remus said, "All _right_. I can tell you're not going to let up until I agree."

"Nope," said James, and took an enormous bite of potatoes. "I won't."

When they got back to their room after dinner, it was just the two of them. Sirius had gone off to serve his detention, and Peter was in the library, studying with some of the others who were taking Divination as a N.E.W.T. subject. None of the other three Marauders had chosen that, all of them opting for Arithmancy instead.

"Okay, Moony, let's see what you've got."

He found the ruler and handed it to Remus as the latter began slowly to expose himself. "Measure from above, that's how we all did it."

Remus's result made him blink. "Five and a half inches soft? Let me see."

James was amazed to find that was indeed Remus's length, and it was clear that Remus was _not_ erect, thus affecting the measurement. Fancy that. Well, since Peter was a grow-er, not a show-er, maybe Remus was the opposite, like Sirius. James wrote down the number and looked at Remus expectantly.

"So now I have to wank to get hard for the second measurement?"

"That's right," James said. "Make yourself as big as you can."

Remus licked his palm and wrapped it around his prick. James watched in astonishment as it swelled and lengthened considerably. He found himself even more attracted than he'd been to Sirius. Involuntarily he cupped his hand over his own prick and squeezed it through his robes. Remus looked at him and gave him a knowing little smile. "This what you wanted to see, Prongs?"

Dumbly, James nodded. Remus was still working himself. Could it be that he hadn't yet reached full size even yet?

Apparently not. When Remus finally pulled his hand away and took up the ruler, he said, "Seven and three-eighths inches. Five and five-eighths around," he added after taking that measurement with the string.

" _Damn_ , Moony." said James, dry-mouthed. He licked his lips. "I didn't know you were hiding a fucking _badger_ in your trousers."

Remus looked embarrassed. "Yeah, well, it's not as though it does me any good, does it?"

He started to tuck himself back into his clothes, but James put out a hand.

"Why not?"

The look Remus gave him was withering. "If I ever got to the point where someone was going to see this, they would have seen all of my scars too, wouldn't they, and how would I explain _those_ without giving away my secret? Besides. Um." He gulped.

"What?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter." Remus began to fumble with his clothes again.

James stepped closer and stopped him. He touched Remus's prick, feeling it warm and firm and pulsing under his hand, and Remus gasped.

"What?" James repeated. "Come _on_ , Moony." He rubbed his thumb over the tip of Remus's cock. "No secrets between friends, right?"

Remus's breathing was ragged. "Prongs, are you _sure_ you want to be doing that?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." James squeezed gently.

"Uh. Well. Fuck. Let's just say that I don't exactly fancy girls, and leave it at that."

Remus's expression was tense, as though he expected James to let go of him in disgust. Instead James nodded.

"Yeah, well, I _do_ fancy birds but that doesn't mean I've anything against _this_ on occasion either." He gave Remus a grin. "Actually, Moony, and don't tell him I told you, but Padfoot prefers blokes too. _And_ he already knows about your scars. Think about that."

"Sirius... likes blokes?"

"Yeah, he does."

James was still fondling Remus, and between that and the tenor of their conversation, his own cock was bursting through his pants. "Look, neither Wormtail nor Padfoot is going to be back soon. Do you want to...?"

Remus didn't answer in words, just reached for James and kissed him and started tearing at his clothes.

They manoeuvred themselves onto James's bed, mostly naked although Remus had an undershirt on and James still wore his socks. Remus was a sloppy but enthusiastic kisser, it turned out. James figured that was because he hadn't had much if any practice. He _was_ awfully good with his hands though. They pushed their pricks together and humped and rubbed and wriggled against each other. Remus had a tight hold of James's arse, kneading his bum cheeks to hold the two of them close together.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh yeah," breathed James, biting at Remus's earlobe.

Remus's lips were pressed to James's throat, sucking at his skin. There would be marks there later, but James didn't care. He writhed against Remus, putting his hand down between them to stroke both of their pricks at once. Remus had the same idea; their hands met, stroking, pumping, their bodies thrusting against each other until first James and then seconds later Remus came in sticky pulses.

James let out a shuddering satisfied sigh. "That was _good_."

"Yeah," Remus agreed in a soft voice. He was quiet for a minute. "Prongs."

"What?"

"You _were_ telling the truth about Padfoot, right?"

"That he's queer? Yeah." A thought struck James, and he gave a snorting laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Um. I was just thinking, if the two of you got together, well, I guess queers sometimes do it in the arse, right? I was just thinking how Padfoot would look with that monster prick of yours up his bum. I bet he'd like it."

"James." Remus's voice was sharp. "You keep that idea to yourself. If he and I get together, whatever we might do won't be any of your business."

"We could all three get together," James pointed out.

"You're not going to invite Wormtail, too?" asked Remus sarcastically.

"Nah. He wouldn't be interested." James refrained from saying that unlike Sirius, Peter was not especially attractive; Remus's looks were also ordinary, after all, although that enormous prick more than made up for his plain appearance, if you were just talking aesthetics.

"Prongs, you're incorrigible." Remus rolled his eyes. He pulled his shirt off and used it to mop them both up. "I have to go do rounds. See you later."

"Think about what I told you about Padfoot," James called afer him.

He lay curled up in his bed for a while after Remus left, thinking things over. Then he got up and started working on the map. If Sirius came back from his detention before Remus and Peter returned, James planned to persuade him to shag the way he and Remus just had. If the two of _them_ paired up, James might lose his chance.

**Author's Note:**

> snegurochka_lee asked who in HP had a monster dick, and asked for prompts related thereto. I gave her one, and was promptly bunnied by it. So, as ever, my writing James Potter is All Her Fault. *g*


End file.
